When Baltimore Ravens player Brendon Ayanbadejo announced his support for marriage equality, it provoked a strong and mind-bogglingly outrageous reaction from Maryland lawmaker Emmett C. Burns Jr. Burns quickly shot off a letter to Ravens owner Steve Bisciotti:
"Many of my constituents and your football supporters are appalled and aghast that a member of the Ravens Football Team would step into this controversial divide and try to sway public opinion one way or the other," he wrote. "I am requesting that you take the necessary action, as a National Football Franchise Owner, to inhibit such expressions from your employee, and that he be ordered to cease and decist such injurious actions. I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayambadejo [sic] is doing." (Source: The Advocate)
When Minnesota Vikings player Chris Kluwe caught wind of this, he decided to write a letter of his own, to Burns. We don't think we're guilty of hyperbole when we say that what he produced might be the single greatest piece of writing in human history (well, up there, at least).
Read the highlights below, and then send Kluwe a message, thanking him for doing it. Let's be blunt -- he's going to get a lot of grief for this from the neanderthal portion of the population, so it's up to us to show him more than enough love to counter that. So send a message, spread the word, and tell him THANK YOU.
(Key excerpts follow: You can read the full post at Deadspin. Warning: There is some "not safe for work" language in here. But it is more than outweighed by its pure awesomeness)
Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
Re: the Constitution:
As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
Possibly the most awesome section:
How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)... I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?
Read the full post at Deadspin, and then send Kluwe a message, spread the word, and tell him THANK YOU